Poor Little Duckling
by 700495
Summary: Not loving Angel just never seemed like an option. Spike/Angel.


**Title:** My Poor Little Duckling

**Author: **Brevanna

**Pairings:** Spike/Angel talks about Spike/Drusilla.

**Warnings: **Slash, don't like don't read.

**Summary: **Not loving Angel just never seemed like an option. Spike/Angel.

**Disclaimer: **You know the drill.

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Love at first sight is bullshit, when I was human I would right long mushy poems about "the perfectness of two hearts meeting" and stories where "Their eyes locked on one another and they knew it was love". You know the kind of shit that makes decapitation or a stake to the heart look like a favorable allternative to ever reading it again. It's been a while since I was the kind of guy that could write that stuff without wanting to hurl and I feel I've gotten a pretty new perspective on things. And I now know with complete sureness that you can't possibly have those feelings about someone when you barely know them. It's just Bull.

I first met Angelus in England 1880, it wasn't sappy, it sure as hell wasn't romantic, it was just me being suddenly in love with a guy I'd just met. Life isn't a fairytale in the real world time should go by and you'd probably realize how much of a dumbass you were.

It's been nearly two hundred years since that we met, and I still love him. We've been rivals, lovers, enemies, everything. I've seen the best and worst of Angel and not once -even when I was in love with Buffy-have I second guessed what I feel for him.

Angelus, Angel, David Borenez whoever he decides he wants to be next I'll still follow him (even though I wont tell the bastard its him I'm following, I do have my pride you know). I'll still be there waiting, riding the tides of whatever this bloody world has to throw at me.

Because with Angel I never had the slightest choice, from that moment in 1880 I knew without doubt that I was going to hate this man with everything I've got, but I'd follow him to the ends of the earth.

After Dru changed me she decided that I was her ducky that she snatched out of the pond, No one really understood what it meant but we took it to mean she loved me. It was great, for the first time in my life someone other than my Mum cared about me, time passed and I was happy.

I William the loser bloody awful poet had a beautiful, sexy, crazy broad head over heals for me and of course my damn emotions had to mess it all up.

I started going all poufy nancy boy for Angel, and that really really sucked because even though I was never going to go after Angel (Darla would have literally had my head) I couldn't feel fully satisfied with Dru. But despite it all I was still pretty content, and I had no doubt in my mind that she had no idea that I loved someone else.

She always did surprise me; I guess that's why we lasted for so long.

One day I was sitting with Angel on the love seat in the hotel we were staying at, we weren't touching or anything. I was just sitting and Angel was drawing Darla, suddenly Dru stood up from her seat beside the fireplace and walked over to me sitting down on the arm of the chair.

She leaned in close and said in almost a stage whisper, "Poor little duckling snatched him away and fed him to the mean ole wolf, he's gonna get all gobbled up" I turned to look at her confused, She sighed and got this devastatingly pitiful look on her face. "Poor little duckling never saw the big bad wolf coming, never got to swim away. Far too late now mommy can't keep him forever."

Usually I know what Dru means more than anyone else in the world, that day was no exception. I looked at Angelus and Darla who were ignoring her words as demented ramblings; I stared at her shocked because somehow I knew that she understood in her strange crazy way. She patted my head with a dreamy grin, than danced off to do I'll be buggered if I know what.

After that I would see all of her looks and words that told me again and again that she knew. The others either didn't notice or said nothing, truthfully I would be surprised if they hadn't noticed they knew her almost as well as I did. She always did weird things like that, always had strange little messages wrapped up in her insanity. Sweet words that would mean nothing to anyone else but to us they made her Dru.

If you look past all the killing and maiming and torturing she did she's not really that bad of a person. I'll always in a weird way love Drusilla; she was the first person who ever made me feel like I meant something. In a big way she shaped me into who I am today. For that she'll always have a place in my still heart.

Everything's changed a million times over since those early days I changed from William the terrible poet, to the Vampire William the Bloody, To Spike, Angel got a soul and left us, he fell in love with a sixteen year old Slayer than lost his soul when they got it on, he got it back, he went to hell and back again, he became a helper of the helpless in Los Angeles, Dru left me, I got a chip in my brain, I fell in love with a Slayer, Dru came back, I almost killed her, Dru left, got a soul, died to save the world, became a ghost, and got corporeal again.

Now I'm back with Angel, the one constant in my life. The guy who's gonna be there till the end of the world and he'll either have brought it on, or be stopping it. Either way I'll be their right beside him.

We can't stay apart forever. No matter how many times we part, one of us will always find the other. I know it will be like that as long as there's blood in my veins because it screams that special scream only for him. It's not going to stop till the fat lady sings and chops my head off with a battle axe.

Whether were friends, enemies or something gayer it will always boil down to Angel. It doesn't matter if were fighting side by side or on opposite ends of the earth its still him. Were going to forever be standing on the brink walking the thin line between love and hate, Just trying not to fall and be devoured by what's been their since that day in London, 1880.

As Drusilla would tell you (if you could understand a word she says) the big bad wolf gobbled up her poor little duckling.

This life was thrust upon me the moment we met and the duckling never got a chance to swim away. Now it's far too late

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A/N Well that was weird, Reviews are great and totally appreciated :).


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